Most of us are aware that we’re harder on ourselves than anyone else. We’re so much more capable of letting our friends and family off the hook for minor offenses than we are for our own mistakes. Forgiving ourselves our imperfections can be an incredibly freeing experience!
How do you forgive yourself?
First, know that changing a mindset takes time and patience. Start there - patience!
Set an alarm on your phone or choose times of the day to check in on your thoughts. Each time you eat is a good time to do this. Noticing the patterns in your thinking is the first step to changing them.
Notice what you’re thinking
Be kind about what you find
If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, your actions, or your potential future, be sure not to pile on by haranguing yourself for it. Whatever you notice about your thoughts, give yourself a high-five for noticing.
You want the act of noticing to feel good. Dial that in with positive reinforcement - no matter what you’ve just caught yourself thinking.
There are many ways of changing a through pattern, once you notice it. Here are a few:
What if it’s possible statements - Play a game of all the things that could go right. What if it’s possible that I’m more awesome than I realize? What if it’s possible my future is more amazing than I could imagine? What if it’s possible I win the lottery or get “discovered” by a talent agent and star in a movie/audiobook/podcast, etc.?
Talk to yourself like your best friend would. What would a loving friend say? You can even make it fun and imaginative by giving yourself a nickname for this process.
For every negative label you give yourself, think of a positive flipside. There are always positives! If you’re calling yourself lazy, then maybe you’re also good at balancing rest with work. If you’re calling yourself indecisive or bad at focusing, maybe you're also curious and have many passions. There’s always a positive attribute to focus on.
Negotiate with your parts. Imagine you can have a loving conversation with the part of yourself that you want to change. What would she say? How is she trying to help, even if it’s not the way you want to be helped? Is there a compromise you can come to? How can that part of you continue to look after your best interests in a way that matches your goals?
Hold space in your heart. Imagine there’s a wide, expansive space in your heart. Imagine holding all the parts you want to change, in that heartspace. Just hold them in love. Don’t try to change them. Just give them a break and some room to be loved, just as they are!
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